School: where the government can easily control you

Ever wonder why going to school is a requirement in America? It is because it is the perfect opportunity for the government to work on controlling your mind. It all begins in preschool when the government agents talk to you in a reassuring, calm, and really annoying voice so you think the government is good. Recess is the training camp where they get you ready for Siberia. The school lunches taste so bad because the government implants tracking devices in the food, so that they can track your every location. Make sure to dispose of feces in a way that the tracking devices will not work, such as in a trash can or in the middle of nowhere. The chairs in schools contain sticking substances that track your location. Make sure to not sit down if you have to go to school. Say you are allergic to chairs. If you can, stay out of school!